I will never understand why people feel the need to be put others down. It’s like they’re so upset with their life that they want to go and stir up problems for someone else and for what? How exactly does that benefit them? Does it really give them a peace of mind? I just don’t know why people can’t be happy for others and want to genuinely motivate each other and uplift one another. But instead of being kind and positive, all they want to do is bring misery to others. It’s so sad actually, knowing that they associate themselves with that kind of lifestyle, it’s such a waste of time. I don’t pay it no mind, because I know better, and I feel bad for them because they’re so bored and sad inside. I just wish them the best and keep it moving. I don’t have time for people who don’t want to better themselves, for people who seek only negativity. I refuse to associate myself with that kind of mindset.


“As for looks? I’m nothing special, but I’m told I have beautiful eyes. Eyes from which nothing but truth could possibly seep. They say the sea is actually black and that it merely reflects the blue sky above. So it was with me. I allowed you to admire yourself in my eyes. I provided a service. I listened and listened. You stored yourself in me.”

– Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous
The imagery and the wording of this quote are just so beautiful. I haven’t gotten through the whole book, but I fell in love with the first page. Definitely recommend it! 

 I feel amazing and for the first time in my life, I go to sleep and wake up feeling nothing but pure love to the fullest extent and it’s all thanks to one person. I have never been with someone who puts in so much effort, who is willing to go out of their way for me without any question, without me actually having to ask… It is so strange because I have always been the one to put in 110% with absolutely nothing in return. I always try to see the good in people but it’s like with him, there’s no need to try to look for good. I love all of his flaws, I love every piece of him and each day I learn more and discover so many more great things about him, he doesn’t fail to amaze me. His smile is so beautiful, seeing him happy is my priority. I can’t describe how I feel when I see him happy, it’s like the warmest, brightest light shining throughout my whole world. He is my whole world. The way his hands come together with mine, they fit so perfectly and something as small as just holding his hand brings me so much happiness. Just hearing his voice sends this chill down my spine, it’s just so warm and sweet. He has this laugh that will put the biggest smile on your face when you hear it, it’s incredible. Being around him assures me that I am the happiest person alive. Everything feels so right with him. I’ve never cared for someone so much and even though he’s so good to me I’m still not used to it. I’m not used to him wanting to see me everyday and actually doing things for me, it’s all the little things he does that mean the most to me. He is my everything and I would do anything for him. It feels so amazing loving someone and being loved back. I’m so lucky to have him in my life❣️

Wow. It’s been so long since I’ve posted… I’ve been so busy with work and just trying to get through each day with a smile on my face. I feel like so much has happened I’m not quite sure where to start or if I even should on that note. It’s almost unnecessary to go through it all over again. You know how just talking about something, no matter how much time has passed, it still seems to bring back so much emotion? Yeah…. I don’t know if I’m up for all of that. It’s not good to bottle things up but I’ve worked so hard on getting back to being okay. I’d love a break… unfortunately that’s not how life works, but I’m working with what I got. Things can only get better from here. 

I watched this movie the other night on Netflix. If you are slightly interested in watching it I suggest you read the brief description below, before you read on because I may spoil the movie for you. Also the movie is in Spanish but you can put on subtitles. 

So, this movie is about a young boy Ulises who loves this girl named Sofia. His dad and older brother are really hard on him and his mom is kind of like caught in the middle and doesn’t really break the rules because she’s pretty much afraid of her husband. This family is so broken. Everyone in the family is a part of the prostitution ring and they’re all being used by the dad/husband. You will find out more of that as you watch. In the beginning it shows how Ulises treats Sofia before he brings her home to his family. Out of the blue Ulises tells Sofia what his family is really about and they try running away but his brother followed him and Sofia gets taken into the “family business.” Ulises is so in love with Sofia, and he makes a deal with his dad that if he can bring him another girl to replace Sofia, his dad would take Sofia out of the prostituon ring. So Ulises goes and finds another girl and lures her in the same way he lured in Sofia. He probably spent weeks with her, going on dates and meeting each other’s families and eventually moving in together. Watching how Ulises treats this girl Martha fills me with rage because he tells her the exact same things he told Sofia. 

The ending sucks. It was not what I expected and I was really upset and it got me thinking that sometimes we don’t always get the happy ending we want. Sometimes things don’t work out and they don’t go our way. I suppose that is the way of life. Also I italicized the love Ulises has for Sofia because everything is so played out, which you will found out if you watch the movie. Seriously though, if you really love someone that much, I’m not sure as to why you would put them in a situation such as that one. Knowing your family and their business,  why would you risk putting someone through that much less someone you love and care so much for? I just don’t get. Therefore I think that Ulises is a piece of trash and the ending breaks my heart. I wanted so much more for Sofia, I wanted her to be happy. Ulises knows she isn’t and I hope he feels guilty because it is his fault. 

I would rate this movie a 3/5 because it was quite interesting, but short and the ending makes me lose hope for people in her situation. Not that there isn’t much hope to begin with… 

Why do we settle for less but tell others not to? Why do we uphold other people’s value but undervalue our own? I just don’t get how we can tell someone else to value themselves when we don’t even do it ourselves. We settle for less and get manipulated all the time and yet we tend to spread positivity for self worth.

-My thoughts at 6:38 AM

Have you ever heard someone say that if a baby doesn’t cry that they won’t know if the baby is hungry or upset. 

Why though? Why does the baby have to cry in order for you to be concerned as to whether it is okay? 

Apply this to yourself. Why do we have to cry out for help when we feel depressed, sad or lost. Why do we have to make the effort to reach out to someone? Why can’t someone actually reach out to us and ask how we’re doing, ask us if we’re okay, if we need anything etc.? It just got me thinking, like man, I really don’t have anyone that cares that much about me. I feel like I’m constantly making sure everyone is okay but I don’t get that in return. I care too much and I always have. It sucks feeling like that is burden to my personality. Like I am to expect nothing in return all the time, knowing that even with nothing in return I will never turn my back on those who are in need for a lending hand, an ear, anything. But then I think about what I said in my previous post, I really shouldn’t leave myself behind. I shouldn’t be taking care of everyone else and forget about my well being too. It just sucks that when someone is feeling negative, sad and so on, we have to tell someone or else no one asks and no one will bother to. And then when you hold it in and finally burst, everyone asks why didn’t she express herself, why didn’t she seek for help like whyyyyy. Why can’t someone just make sure we are okay. Geez, I just don’t know.